Dating is hard, no matter how much you love the person it will be a challenge. There will be good days and bad days! I have learned a lot about myself from dating someone who is pretty much my opposite. He is energetic and extraverted while I am the moodiest and laziest person ever. We have different ideas of fun and completely different interests. This has been a good and not-so-good challenge for us that we are figuring out. But relationships, whether romantic or not, are amazing learning experiences to figure yourself out.
The things I am going to mention below are important to think about in every relationship you have in your life. It is good to realize your strengths and weaknesses and use them as tools in a relationship.
Patience is the best virtue/trait to have
I realized this pretty early on in my relationship. My patience sucked and it caused problems. I needed to realized that people communicate differently, have fun differently and handle emotions differently. You need to have patience and work with your partner through the bad times so you can have more good times. Don’t jump to anger when something is new that you are not liking or something isn’t going the way you expected. You have allowed a whole new person into your life and it will take time to figure out what works and what needs to be worked on. Have patience with everyone.
The energy you put out gets sucked up by everyone around you
Like I stated earlier, I am super moody. I get tired, angry, bored and sad way too easily. This started to effect my relationships because I was taking my emotions out on them. If I am angry and in a bad mood, it will bring down everyone else. Especially my partner, who I see almost everyday. He feels everything I feel because I am putting that negative energy out for everyone to suck up. I am not saying that you should hide your feelings, but don’t push your feelings on happy people. Take your time to be alone or change your perspective. One of the biggest things I had to realize is, I was not having a bad day… I just had a bad moment and let it ruin MY day. I shouldn’t let a moment ruin my day and someone else’s day. A.K.A… Don’t be a buzzkill.
Cherish the good times, learn from the bad
There was a time when I took every argument, bad day or disagreement personally. Like waaaay too personally and I let it change the relationship. Don’t do this. It is an Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole to hell. When two people are angry, random crap will be said out of spite. So take a deep breathe and remove yourself, whether that is mentally or physically. Most arguments are never worth having, if there is something you want to change or talk about then do it like adults. Do not get offensive over someone else opinion or wants, they are always learning tools that you can choose to use or put away. It is called communication…we should all try it without anger or yelling. I now learn from the bad arguments. I think about what was actually said versus what we both meant… what do we want from that. Usually I can’t find anything that would help the good parts of us, so I let that argument go. If there is something that stemmed from the argument that I think would help us, I will bring it up and ensure we are both heard. It’s all about changing perspective and not allowing you anger to make things personal. Talking and sharing opinions should not be a fight, it should also be equal in change. Don’t blame everything on your partner because it takes two people to make a relationship work. It is not a “you, you, you” conversation, it is an “us, we and our relationship” kind of conversation.
Take care of yourself and your partner
I used to be so focused on myself and what I wanted. This is awful for any relationship because it involves two people, duh! Don’t get selfish and think you deserve the world without giving it back. You are 100% allowed to expect cute gestures and to feel safe with your partner. But you need to give before you can take. Your partner needs to feel loved just as equally as you do. Just because you feel cared for and happy, doesn’t always mean the other end feels the same. Work together and make an equal relationship so the relationship doesn’t get lopsided.
Spend time apart and learn to be okay alone
Somedays, I just need to stay home, do nothing and be alone. I have learned over my 20 years of living that I need this to not be a bitch. I am an introvert that needs to recharge here and there before reentering into the world. This was a conversation I had to have in the beginning of my relationship to explain what I needed and how it was not personal for him. I learned that you do not need to see your partner everyday to have a good relationship. If you live with them, you do not need to be beside them every second. Learn to do things on your own and be alone. Go get coffee or go window shopping alone. Watch a movie alone. Learn to be okay hanging out with yourself and you can cherish the times you have with someone else even more. Don’t be clingy, you do not need to see your boyfriend/girlfriend everyday. It is good to have your own time to be your own person.